Tuesday, March 27, 2007

Arms open, saying what

First of all I just walked into my door. This event probably happens at least once, if not twice, everyday for me. Don't fear, I'm questioning my own intelligence at this point.

So this is what I'm thinking. Maybe it'll be interesting, I'm sure they're will be some funny lines in it, but basically I'm just trying to get out the axiety that prevents me from sleeping. Sleeping and pooping as a matter of fact. I can promise this however, I will never take my blog as seriously as people that I have gotten the chance to review. I use templates. I doubt, unless I'm really bored, I will ever make huge prolonged declorations about gobbly-guck. I write what I want, because I can.
And for that today I'm bound by my worries. This twenty-something qwest is really wearing. And even though I know most of my peers cicrle around me with this issue, everyone's is different. Mine is this whole idea of a future. After being thrown violently off the high-horse that comes with a bachlors, I've found my pessimism to be extereme. I don't know where to start. I don't know which idea or dream to shoot for. And I try to take it one day at a time, but that is like asking a horse not to smell like poop. And horses L.O.V.E. to smell like poop. I guess I need a mentor, someone to come in and lift me back on my feet. I'm guessing it can't be one of my peers due to the conflict of intrest. Survival of the fitest.
I think I need to coin a term for the early to late twenty confusion. Fuck quater life crisis. Don't like it, never will. brb... going to a dictionary. OK after a few minuets of thinking. I'm not creative enough. at least not right now. if anyone can think of it please fill me in.

Beside not knowing perfessionally what awaits (if anything) this moving thing is really stressing me out. I don't know what's making it worse, moving in with my bf, or having to wait all these months for it to happen. I just have this feeling that something bad is going to happen and its not going to work out. I feel like maybe I want it and he doesn't. I feel like I'm going to be stuck out there without him. That I'm going to have to put all this money and energy into it and he's not going to care. I just feel disaster. And it's hard to tell him this, as much as it's hard to change my mind on how I feel. I just want a positive sign to happen to let me know.

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

he wouldnt have asked you to move in if he didnt want you too and look forward to spending time with you adorable sister who honestly really needs you right now since she just spent all yesterday in the hospital becasue one of her friends took way to much of her aniexty medicine and all she wants to do right now is be with people who some what understand her and the way she deals with or doesnt deal with emotional shit. well i guess just know your sister misses you and cant wait to see you and maybe things will look up eventually.

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