light bulb

so today. I was browsing books to bring on my awesome trip to Italy. There is where I decided to expand on my idea of writing my version of other people's titles. I get so disappointed that everyone else is using up these great titles for shitty books. That's when the light bulb struck, instead of whining... well instead of whining all the time... i will dedicate my blog to writing short versions of what I think certain books should be about. yay for me.

OK, so today's book: "Letters to My Mother" by BarbKarg (and i just looked that up on amazon and laughed to myself, so i condone laughing out loud to her name... it rhymes.. oh so silly is that name) When I picked up the book I found it was a sappy memoir containing babble about motherhood and junk. LAME. so, this is what my little brain thought...

August 3 -
Dear Mother,
Thank you for sending yet another package that contains "Little Mirmaid" magnets and random bars of chocolate. Although it was completely out of left field I did have fun dressing Ariel in different outfits. However, I did not appreciate the three phone calls in one hour to let me know that the dog is still sleeping on the couch snoring. He does that. On that note, you do not need to call me ever other hour to let me know he is licking himself on the couch and you "hate him." I am still dating who you refer to as "oh yeah, that guy." I wish you would take the time to know him, instead of constantly judging. You know you did teach me when I was eight that everyone should be given a chance, maybe next time you teach a child that lesson you should mention the art major boyfriend clause. Well, time to me to go to that job that I hate because I work my ass off and don't get paid enough, and yes, I will stay possitive because I know I am just starting out.
Love you and promise to visit soon,
daughter

September 15 -
Mom,
Thank you for the card that sings "Don't worry, Be happy." It was... great. I am sorry you felt my previous letter was "drenched in melo-dramatic undertones that should have been used up in my teenage years," I'll try better. Also, I am really sick of you calling the guy I'm dating a good way to waste my time. Its been a few months now, just at the very least, fake happy for me. Work is going. I'm basically miserable. I just work so hard for them. Oh well. I did like you're rendition of psychotherapy the other day. I am sure it is as easy as watching a television special to become an expert on psychotropic drugs. Prescribe away mom. Well, I love you.
daughter

September 20-
Mom,
Fine. You were right about him. Please ignore the snot stains on the paper.
daughter.

October 6 -
Mom,
You are so overbearing. You call me three times a day to tell me the most pointless things ever. You never listen. You still, despite whatever knowledge I have gained over the years, think you know everything. Fine, you do. You're so smart. Whatever. At least I graduated college, and am not settling on being a house-wife forever. I'm living. I feel. You know I've experienced things you don't even know about. You judge everyone, secretly or not, just to ignore what how you feel. I'm just fend up with the over-control you still want to hold on to. And I know you "told me so" and that since he dumped me for the receptionist at his job I shouldn't have gone away with him for that weekend just to have him sleep in that receptionist bedroom the second night. The first night he was really sweet, and I've progressed past him. So I don't need your pity judgment. Maybe you should just accept that I'm never going to be as perfect as you obviously are.
daughter

October 7 -
Mom,
I AM SO SORRY. I didn't mean the things I said. You are a strong woman who means well. I was just emotional. You are so brave and I love you. I just get frustrated sometimes... anyway there is no excuse. Please do not hate me.
daughter

p.s. also, i feel really bad for asking but i don't think i'll be able to pay all of my bills. could you please send me some money?? And I can't wait to see you this coming weekend.