::sips soda for dramatic effect::
I'm sure you know this. I have a staring problem. I knew it was a problem at a fairly young age, probably 11. So, it took me a while to notice, but none the less, when I was about 11 I went to Burger King with my sister and my best friend. As I was chewing on my signiture meal (and if you don't know this its chicken fingers and fries) three boys walked in. They looked about my age, maybe a little older. I kept staring at them because I thought they were cute. They went up to try and order food, but they obviously noticed my staring. This then led to them coming up and talking to us. This led to all of us playing in the play place. Then some how because of my gullable nature and weakness for boys, led to us giving them food because they had no money. (If this senario doesn't seem to add up you're not factoring in pre-teen clause which counts for 99% of the equation.) Once they practically stole our food and ran off, I realized I needed to not stare at people because obviously they take it the wrong way and it puts me in some what bad situations. But I never truly learned this lesson. I stare like no ones business. So how does this effect my life as it stands today. In many ways. Most predominately I can't stop staring at my boyfriends shaved head. Because I don't like it. But because of my staring I can't really keep it a secret because my staring is redicously obvious, so I hurt feelings instead. I'm like a machine. Plus he just made fun of my blog. Fucker.
I also don't know what else I was going to write because i am pretty tired. i'll come back and add when i remember.
Monday, April 23, 2007
Sunday, April 8, 2007
Thank God You Met Me
ok, it's been awhile. I know, I know. I'm lazy. And again my same problem persists that I think I have fans when I don't. Beyond believing I write for non-existant fans, the people that do read it are just family and friends that are basically bored enough to read "Huck Finn" after passing the eighth grade. ::cough::
Continuing. I smell like coffee again. It makes me feel like I have a clump of throw up in my mouth whenever I smell it. I know that's a dramatic comment. But think of it more as symbolism, yes that sounds better... Here, so in college I worked real hard at Starbucks. The smell of coffee was the work I was doing, was the smell that reminded me of the future. And I made it out. Of starbucks. Of college. And even more amazingly Vegas. And it wasn't just that I left these places and things, I moved past them. Which is another issue I would like to address in this blog later. But being that its a year and a half past graduation, the smell now makes me think not of asperations for the future, but a little sadness for not moving past. thats about it. really, i had funny perspectives, but i think of them in my car where i obviously have no access to write it down. well i mean i do, but i can't get anymore tickets.
so the other point. something i've been thinking about a lot. it seems obvious that you're not the same person you were 10 years ago. Nicki at 12 and Nicki at 22, different. I mean at 12 I was consatntly worried about not being successful or happy... well, ok i'm a bad example, but in general you see my point. What I think is so strange is how much has changed in a year. When I think about the place I was in a year ago amazes me. A year ago I had just gotten over all the things that I had kept keeping on my mind. All the baggage. I was in a different mind set. And now, thinking on it, its as though I feel bad for not being in that set anymore. I expect myself to do things that 22 Nicki has moved past, and it all seems so silly because, well, it was just one year. So I drive in my car, listening to the same songs I loved them, hearing them the same way, only different. And it's weird. So is the fact that my knees are starting to hurt if I stand for too long.
So that's it. I'll think of something when I'm driving that's funny and I want to share, but it will get lost in my mind... that beautiful space... and i'll try and remember and type it hear while trying to force it to be funny, and it won't and it'll just sound whine. A lot like this paragraph. sigh
*also, not spell checked, enjoy nicki english
Continuing. I smell like coffee again. It makes me feel like I have a clump of throw up in my mouth whenever I smell it. I know that's a dramatic comment. But think of it more as symbolism, yes that sounds better... Here, so in college I worked real hard at Starbucks. The smell of coffee was the work I was doing, was the smell that reminded me of the future. And I made it out. Of starbucks. Of college. And even more amazingly Vegas. And it wasn't just that I left these places and things, I moved past them. Which is another issue I would like to address in this blog later. But being that its a year and a half past graduation, the smell now makes me think not of asperations for the future, but a little sadness for not moving past. thats about it. really, i had funny perspectives, but i think of them in my car where i obviously have no access to write it down. well i mean i do, but i can't get anymore tickets.
so the other point. something i've been thinking about a lot. it seems obvious that you're not the same person you were 10 years ago. Nicki at 12 and Nicki at 22, different. I mean at 12 I was consatntly worried about not being successful or happy... well, ok i'm a bad example, but in general you see my point. What I think is so strange is how much has changed in a year. When I think about the place I was in a year ago amazes me. A year ago I had just gotten over all the things that I had kept keeping on my mind. All the baggage. I was in a different mind set. And now, thinking on it, its as though I feel bad for not being in that set anymore. I expect myself to do things that 22 Nicki has moved past, and it all seems so silly because, well, it was just one year. So I drive in my car, listening to the same songs I loved them, hearing them the same way, only different. And it's weird. So is the fact that my knees are starting to hurt if I stand for too long.
So that's it. I'll think of something when I'm driving that's funny and I want to share, but it will get lost in my mind... that beautiful space... and i'll try and remember and type it hear while trying to force it to be funny, and it won't and it'll just sound whine. A lot like this paragraph. sigh
*also, not spell checked, enjoy nicki english
Wednesday, April 4, 2007
why i don't have a job
well... to be fair. i do have a job now. i made it back to barista. but why i don't have a "real, you do have your college degree don't you" job.
NOTE; no spell check today, good luck with reading it.
Off topic. Here's the topic... I'm in the mist of reading "Sex, Drugs and Coco puffs" and mainly I enjoy it. Reading something intellectually and comicly stimulating, hooray! But it makes me bitter in the since that I don't think it made everyone else bitter. For most of his view points, I agree. I become bitter because I feel that I can rant like that. However I do believe that most of the time it would come out sounding a little retarded and rambling...but he def. has the ramble part down. In any case, its a jealous bitter. but as my boyfriend put it "well, he is the editor of Spin, and you are not." yup, my fans adore me.
also i read an article in Jane... sigh... and it was that Joel writer who is always on VH1 shows, he writes for Time, anyway it was about how he had experienced all the levels of cheating. I agreed with him too... and as I was dicussing with my friend today (who shall rename nameless for her protection) cheating is something you grow out of.
NOTE: these two paragraphs will be elaborated on, i just wanted to right something so i didnt forget.
THE topic: I am in Italy. And yes, it is very beautiful. To think of the civilizations and the numbers of people is amazing and I do appriciate the high carb diet I have here... but what I get caught up in is the people. Not just the Italians, but everyone. I could sit and watch everyone. And I know this is a dumb realization to come to... but everyone truly acts the same. Maybe we are cosmicly bonded.. if only until after puberty. example: while climbing mt. vesuvious there were A LOT of high school kids, from Canada, France, and the UK. and yes volcanos are cool (you know they shoot stuff... like lava.) but all of them were really considerd with their apperiance.. the girls flocked to the boys as the boys joked about pushing each other down a mountain and throwing rocks down it. (that was pretty cool.. one rock went pretty far) beyond just actions, the clothing is the same British teens are dressing like the girls i look after... i guess with a little more emo-punk flair. i just find it amazing. we are all brothers and sisters. word.
IT'S IPOD TIME!
NOTE; no spell check today, good luck with reading it.
Off topic. Here's the topic... I'm in the mist of reading "Sex, Drugs and Coco puffs" and mainly I enjoy it. Reading something intellectually and comicly stimulating, hooray! But it makes me bitter in the since that I don't think it made everyone else bitter. For most of his view points, I agree. I become bitter because I feel that I can rant like that. However I do believe that most of the time it would come out sounding a little retarded and rambling...but he def. has the ramble part down. In any case, its a jealous bitter. but as my boyfriend put it "well, he is the editor of Spin, and you are not." yup, my fans adore me.
also i read an article in Jane... sigh... and it was that Joel writer who is always on VH1 shows, he writes for Time, anyway it was about how he had experienced all the levels of cheating. I agreed with him too... and as I was dicussing with my friend today (who shall rename nameless for her protection) cheating is something you grow out of.
NOTE: these two paragraphs will be elaborated on, i just wanted to right something so i didnt forget.
THE topic: I am in Italy. And yes, it is very beautiful. To think of the civilizations and the numbers of people is amazing and I do appriciate the high carb diet I have here... but what I get caught up in is the people. Not just the Italians, but everyone. I could sit and watch everyone. And I know this is a dumb realization to come to... but everyone truly acts the same. Maybe we are cosmicly bonded.. if only until after puberty. example: while climbing mt. vesuvious there were A LOT of high school kids, from Canada, France, and the UK. and yes volcanos are cool (you know they shoot stuff... like lava.) but all of them were really considerd with their apperiance.. the girls flocked to the boys as the boys joked about pushing each other down a mountain and throwing rocks down it. (that was pretty cool.. one rock went pretty far) beyond just actions, the clothing is the same British teens are dressing like the girls i look after... i guess with a little more emo-punk flair. i just find it amazing. we are all brothers and sisters. word.
IT'S IPOD TIME!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)