ok, it's been awhile. I know, I know. I'm lazy. And again my same problem persists that I think I have fans when I don't. Beyond believing I write for non-existant fans, the people that do read it are just family and friends that are basically bored enough to read "Huck Finn" after passing the eighth grade. ::cough::
Continuing. I smell like coffee again. It makes me feel like I have a clump of throw up in my mouth whenever I smell it. I know that's a dramatic comment. But think of it more as symbolism, yes that sounds better... Here, so in college I worked real hard at Starbucks. The smell of coffee was the work I was doing, was the smell that reminded me of the future. And I made it out. Of starbucks. Of college. And even more amazingly Vegas. And it wasn't just that I left these places and things, I moved past them. Which is another issue I would like to address in this blog later. But being that its a year and a half past graduation, the smell now makes me think not of asperations for the future, but a little sadness for not moving past. thats about it. really, i had funny perspectives, but i think of them in my car where i obviously have no access to write it down. well i mean i do, but i can't get anymore tickets.
so the other point. something i've been thinking about a lot. it seems obvious that you're not the same person you were 10 years ago. Nicki at 12 and Nicki at 22, different. I mean at 12 I was consatntly worried about not being successful or happy... well, ok i'm a bad example, but in general you see my point. What I think is so strange is how much has changed in a year. When I think about the place I was in a year ago amazes me. A year ago I had just gotten over all the things that I had kept keeping on my mind. All the baggage. I was in a different mind set. And now, thinking on it, its as though I feel bad for not being in that set anymore. I expect myself to do things that 22 Nicki has moved past, and it all seems so silly because, well, it was just one year. So I drive in my car, listening to the same songs I loved them, hearing them the same way, only different. And it's weird. So is the fact that my knees are starting to hurt if I stand for too long.
So that's it. I'll think of something when I'm driving that's funny and I want to share, but it will get lost in my mind... that beautiful space... and i'll try and remember and type it hear while trying to force it to be funny, and it won't and it'll just sound whine. A lot like this paragraph. sigh
*also, not spell checked, enjoy nicki english
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